Baby Steps

I think I have blog anxiety. I look at this screen every other day with the motivation to write and then.... I can't do it. It's like showing your underwear or something. You don't want people to see them, or your blog. So I am going to begin with baby steps.

I realized today that I was actually 100% happy for the first time in I don't know how long (two years one month and 21 days to be exact). The funny part about it was that I was alone. Sitting all by myself, drinking coffee in a place where I knew no one and no one knew me, I was satisfied. I felt like my old self again- this wasn't a baby step, but a giant leap towards.... well everything. I began thinking about all of the other Leadership Consultants, and how fitting my blog title really is..

"And as I sat there listening to that sound of the night which bop has come to represent for all of us, I thought of my friends from one end of the country to the other and how they were really all in the same vast backyard doing something so frantic and rushing-about.."

I am not about to give a lesson in literature, I have had too many of those. This Kerouac quote describes my job for the next year and the title of this blog that I'm too intimidated to write in. 10 young women, spread far across the country in this vast backyard that is Kappa, trying to make a difference wherever they go. It's not always monumental, but when it comes to working with 100+ driven, ambitious 18-21 yr. olds, every success counts. 5 weeks ago I blindly hopped on an airplane, feeling uncomfortable and nervous. I can't imagine the lessons I will learn in the coming months, or the people I will meet. Just in my first week at Headquarters I met the most fabulous girls I will ever meet. I have so much respect for the other LCs, and feel so blessed that we are all in this together.

Today I wrote down the 10 things I have learned so far...
1. It is possible to live out of one suitcase
2. Kappa is everywhere, and in a good way
3. I have a wonderful, supportive family
4. Never underestimate a quiet time with a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee
5. Bunkbeds are O.K.
6. People need to know if they are doing a great job
7. Girls need to be hugged, not discouraged
8. The hippies were right
9. Being alone forces you to get to know yourself
10. Finally understanding the true, the beautiful, and the good

This blog might have a run on sentence or two, and a few extra commas. I am going to have to get over it, and keep writing. Honestly, I have never been happier, and I know the Lord has good things planned. Sometimes I am just too afraid of people "judging me" and my thoughts. but for once I can say, "go ahead, judge me."